i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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