my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
