You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
