he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Found the puke drawer
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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