im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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