Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize