I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Randomize
