the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
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