I cockslap morals
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
