Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
