I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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