I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
