I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
