Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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