Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
