someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
