his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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