Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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