Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
