You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Drunk is not a location!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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