I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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