If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
