I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
