And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
