Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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