Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
