I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
