seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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