you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
