I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
