He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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