I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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