i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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