my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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