i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
