if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
