There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
