Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
