none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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