I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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