You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
