the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
