You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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