The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
