I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He better not be in your backpack
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
