I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
All I want is dick and wine.
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