I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My feet surprised me
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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