Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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