It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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