you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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