hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
