I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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