Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
