I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
