she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Dear god my vagina.
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