Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Houston, we have a blender
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
