so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
nutella sex= disaster
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
