I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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