I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
