i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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