so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
