I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
