He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
