He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Randomize
