Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
